Israel

Passing through immigration in Israel was exactly what I thought it would be. Stern faces, no smiles, bags thoroughly checked, each family member grilled. We were even asked if we were a family and what our relationship to each other was! Agaba was asked questions! Of course, he ran his mouth like a machine gun (pidgin English saying) and gave as much history as possible! The only place I’d ever seen more automatic guns in the hands of military looking people in peace time is in Nigeria – I know! I live a sheltered life haha! I was asked about the origin of our names and the meaning. All in a very firm, stern voice and unsmiling face that I stammered out the answers. The other notable thing was that almost every official there was very young, I would actually say all under 30 years! Or maybe I’m officially old when I start wondering how young the officials and professionals I meet are!

It was easy going to immigration though. They were very efficient. I felt very sorry for the German guy next to us and his friend. Questions were being fired at them left and right and centre and each answer bred a new question. I was so glad to get away before we got more questions fired at us too! We had researched the public transport before hand and knew there was a bus to Jerusalem for 3pm. We exited the immigration palace just after 2pm. Unfortunately the road leading to the bus stop and the main motorway had no shoulder or pavement, luckily for us the road was not busy either! The children were getting tired as it was getting into the afternoon and it was hot. They were cranky and miserable and we had a few tantrums and requests to be carried. The first in this trip actually. With promises of bread – bribery works all the time) bribery, we made it to the bus stop with enough time left to spare. All children bribed, watered and happy, we settled to wait for the bus.

Bus stop at Eilat

30 mins in, the bus was nowhere to be seen. A bus pulled up for Tel Aviv and we said no. We wanted one to Jerusalem. If only we knew…we would have leapt on that with immediate alacrity!  Ok to give a background…it was a Friday. Friday is the beginning of the sabbath. Technically, the sabbath runs from sundown/set on Friday to sundown/set on Saturday. Realistically which we didn’t know, it starts from any time around 2pm on Friday to sunset on Saturday! I know!!! After spending a full hour at the bus stop and letting our only bus get away, we decided to cross the road and take the a taxi into Eilat so our start in Israel was not the best or the most pleasant and it continued to head downhill from there. We found a taxi and he unceremoniously dumped us at the bus station. I stood by the kerbside with the children and Andrew went into the bus station to find out if we could get a bus to Jerusalem. He came back and reported that although the bus office was open, there was no one there to ask. Apparently, there were people waiting for the Jerusalem bus but they wouldn’t tell him if the bus would run or not. Meanwhile, I was battling a lady who had walked up to me and insisted of offering me accommodation. We chatted a bit and I told her we didn’t need accommodation yet as we have to decide what we want to do. She spent a few moments cursing the taxi driver. As far as she was concerned, he shouldn’t have left us by the roadside with the children. At first, I thought she was a nice lady on my side. You know, parent to parent commiseration. Little did I know…Anyway, Andrew returned (and this is where we do need to learn and adapt another family language to stump people) and we chatted about what to do. Andrew wondered if we should book a place. The lady again jumped in offering us 2 rooms for 250 shekels. I had completely forgotten about her. I told her we haven’t decided na make she calm done. I suggested we take a taxi to Jerusalem. It would be expensive but I just wanted put of the Eilat. Next thing the lady comes over and hands me her mobile phone. She gestures for me to take it and ordered me to talk into it. There was a lady on the other end asking how much I would pay for a taxi to Jerusalem. Shuo! Ga karemin wahala fa? (small problem – complete sarcasm or is it irony? Help me fellow Brits!) Anyway, I asked how much she wanted and she said 2000 shekels. I laughed and said no. Long story short, we negotiated to 1400 shekels which is equivalent to $600. The taxi turned up and immediately asked for money. The lady then asked for money too! I should totally have seen this coming a mile away. I firmly told her no way! If you want money, ask your taxi friend for some. I’ve just handed him 1400 shekels. They should be grateful to you for bringing business their way and settle you accordingly. She then proceeded to speak a torrent of Hebrew at me and it ended with a gob of spit sent my way. She stalked off. I did have 20 shekels I was going to give her. It has better uses. She stalked back as I was closing the booth and asked if I won’t give her anything. I said no. She said anything would do. I thought of my good breeding and gave her the 20 shekels. She got very cross again and said it was fucking ridiculous that I was only giving her 20 shekels. I ignored her and she spat at the car and walked away. Phew…na me buy market. No be her fault at all! Who send me come Israel?! Wakaaboutery no go kill me!

Things took a slightly weirder turn when the taxi driver drove into a petrol station, then out and parked in front of a restaurant. He offered us some sweets. The children jumped on it and I refused. I’m keeping my wits around me in this place. He said he couldn’t take us to Jerusalem as there was an issue with his car. He made some phone calls and said we should wait for a few minutes. I was getting antsy by the minute but trying very hard to keep a lid on my anxiety and anger. A few minutes later, a nice sleek taxi rolled up, said hello and helped us move the children over. He introduced himself (a good start) and off we went. About 10 minutes in, he pulled off the main road. Hian! What’s happening now? I muttered to Andrew under my breath. He took the most roundabout route to a petrol station (you can see the station from the motorway) Why he took us the ‘scenic’ route, we still have no idea. Finally, 2.5 hours or so after we crossed the border (Eilat is a 10 minute drive away from the border) we were finally on our way to Jerusalem. I was not feeling Israel at all.

We arrived Jerusalem at 8.30pm. It was supposed to be a 4 hour drive but the driver made tracks (140/150km consistently) and we made it in 3.10 hours. Got there at 8.30pm. We had researched accommodation a lot and we knew this particular place we went to had rooms available. It was called Shani Hotel. The receptionist said they had 2 double rooms on separate floors and that we should take it like that. I asked if I could connect to their internet and showed him that they actually had family rooms and 2 bedroom suites showing as free on booking .com. That was when he said, yes they did have a lot of unbooked rooms but they had not been cleaned. I asked what would happen if I booked it right now, here and now. He said not to. So i didn’t and went on Airbnb and booked a place that had instant book and was available. We then went off taxi hunting and along the way, found another hotel so I cheekily went in to tap into the internet. The person there was kind enough to give me the password when I discovered I needed one. I then asked about rooms and nope, they don’t do family rooms. By then, the message from the Airbnb host had come through, so we got a taxi and went to the house. Only when we got there, we couldn’t get in. The front door was not obvious and no neighbour was answering knocks. It was almost 10pm at this point. I had asked the driver to wait so I asked him to take us back to the centre where he’d picked us from. I did this for 2 treasons, we had no internet, we also didn’t know the area and it was practically empty of people. If only we knew it was a few minutes walk to the major road through Jerusalem and not far from a shopping complex. We found a largish hotel in the centre and camped the children there with Andrew. I went off and called Airbnb incurring some serious roaming charges. Airbnb was able to go into my account and give me the needed details as it was not not coming up in the app. Another taxi ride and a very light pocket later, we checked in! It was a lovely and spacious flat but very cold. We couldn’t work the heating, we tried, gave up and tumbled into bed at midnight.

We all slept well and woke up refreshed. We managed to work the heating, charged our phones. Then decided to go explore the old city. We had just the whole day in Jerusalem as we were heading to Cyprus via Tel Aviv the evening. It was a nice stroll to the old city. We met a massive contingent of Nigerian pilgrims and spent some time chatting with them too. The old city is big and it easily takes 2 days to really see most of it. It also houses a lot of holy sites. We didn’t attempt going to temple on the mount as there was the most mahoosive queue getting into it. We visited the tomb of King David but weren’t allowed to take pictures. We visited the room of the last supper, where Mary allegedly passed away. Mount Zion and many more places.

Mount Zion. There’s a hotel there too

Part of the old city walls. You can walk on the walls and round the perimetre too

Lots of open spaces. As it was sabbath day, there were also lots of orthodox Jewish ceremonies going on

Some of the markets in the old city. The street names did bring back a lot of memories of bible study! 

The wailing wall. There were pilgrims and Orthodox Jews praying there.

Temple Mount – holiest site of 3 religions and source of conflict as well. Israel currently houses the most holy sites shared by 3 religions in the world. Temple Mount was where the tabernacle housed the Ark of the Covenant

Temple Mount and Wailing Wall in the background

Inside the monastery

We explored the local neigbourhood when we returned and had our first fast food of this trip! Also the most expensive KFC meal we’ve ever had! Just before we went to bed, I got a message from the Airbnb host apologising profusely for all the stress we went through and explaining that he a practicing Jew which was why I couldn’t reach him on the Friday evening. His phone was on but as sabbath includes not doing any work or using any form of electricity, it meant he didn’t get my messages. I did say to him he should have had someone monitor his Airbnb listing. He acknowledged that his systems were not set up well and he would look into streamlining them. He also offered to bring us some breakfast on the Sunday before we leave which was very sweet. I did decline.

Sunday morning, we woke a bit early. No idea why and after breakfast and faffing around a bit, it was obvious we were chaffing at the bit to leave so leave we did. We were off to the central bus station from where we would take a bus to Ben Gurion airport in Tel Aviv. Tel Aviv is only about 1 hour away.

On the way to the airport

Testing out public transport

It was easy to find the central station. We made our way to the ticket office. There was a sign there saying buses to Ben Gurion airport were outside the station and to head there. I read it out to Andrew and a guy appeared beside us asking if we were ok. I replied we were. he asked where we were going and I replied heading to the airport. He said the bus stop for it was outside and Andrew said we know as we’ve seen the sign. He then said he was going downstairs and would show us. Andrew was immediately skeptical and said hope he’s not trying to sell us something. He shouldn’t. I replied, we already told him we know where we are going. We should have sneaked away at that point! When we got to the 2nd level, he aske dif we wanted a shuttle taxi and I said no. He lost it. Started shouting in Hebrew, walked off, came back, spat at me ( see how they all spit at me and not Andrew?), stomped off, came back and followed us down the escalator, saying only god knows what in Hebrew and stalked off. We found the bus stop with the help of a young soldier, again there were lots and lots of gun toting young people in military uniform everywhere. Agaba wanted to wee and as I walked him back to the central station – it was a few minutes way – we came across Mr sulky and for good measure, he spat at me again. Chai, I don suffer.

The bus finally turned up! 45 minutes later, we were at the airport and checked in. Thanks to Andrew holding crutches, we got some good treatment – to be fair we deserved it! My verdict? I’m never returning to Israel in my lifetime! How that was going to happen, I don’t know as we have to return in 5 days to pass through to Dubai…